A July Thought about Choice

I was in the bathroom and about to wash my hands, when I spotted a cute little stripy spider.


(I can hear some people exclaiming 'CUTE' ...you have to be joking!)


...anyway - I always try to save the little creatures and not wanting to wash it down the plug hole,  I got it to walk on a piece of tissue and then put it down onto the floor. I placed it near a cabinet with quite a nice dark gap beneath it. But then it ran in the opposite direction toward the middle of the floor. Not wanting my cat to get it, or for me to tread on it by accident, I gently placed my finger as a barrier so as to get it to turn around. I thought how crazy I looked as I told this eight legged creature to "run that way and you'll be safe."


I know I do sound rather eccentric, maybe because I am a bit, or at the very least I am slightly off beat.


...so - I thought to myself, I am a kind of god to this little creature. I choose if it lives or dies. I can guide it to safety, or leave it to fend for its self on the open and dangerous terrain of my bathroom floor. But then if I were it's God - I might only be able only show it the way; one that would be the most positive path to take. The rest would be up to the spider - which means there is choice and not everything is ordained. I'd hate to think I am just a pawn in a huge game that can only be played out in a certain way.


I'm not sure I believe in a God, especially one that sits up in a heaven making decisions. I do think there is something bigger; something I can feel inside and is part of me. The questions about this might be:


Does it guide me as an individual? I don't think so. 
Are there signs? Yes I think there are. 
Where do those signs come from? A pattern from a collective source, of which we are all a part of.
What are signs? They are all round us, we just have to see.
Do we have choice to follow signs? Yes I think we do.
Do we get second chances? I think we get chances every moment, for in any moment we can choose to change course.

Summer

SUMMER

Anyone from the UK will, I think, agree with me that summer so far, has been a complete wash out. On the other hand, I have enjoyed not suffering those hot, airless days we had last year. Warm and balmy will do...and a chance to wear some loose, flimsy clothes.

Life and Moments

I've made some magnificent discoveries of late. For example, I have noticed that my stresses seem to use my body as a playground and I can tell you, its having a ball right now.

I have also noticed that what we believe about ourselves, seems to become the truth for us. So if we feel old, we are old. 

It may be that our earlier life had some measure of influence on where we are now, but, is it where we are now and the relationships and scenarios we choose to place ourselves in that effect most, if not all of our current moments?

John Simpson (67 and my hero) as most people know, spends his life flying around the globe, reporting from the most difficult war zones. He is on the move, he says, about 5 times or so a week and he still appears to be brimming with energy and enthusiasm for life. 

Anyone who watched BBC's "When I get Older" will have seen John sharing the home of a rather eccentric, older lady for a few days. The lady spent every evening watching TV and John was televised sitting with her. We saw shots of him dozing and looking as though his usual zest had been squeezed out of him. If this happened to him in just a few days and nights, imagine him living like that permanently. Could this be a form of projective identification? 

Imagining myself living with John Simpson has me wondering if I would start to feel more energized and alive?