Narcisism...Us and Them

In the 19^th century the word narcissism was used, especially in psychoanalysis, to describe someone who appears to have an unhealthy adoration of self.

The term narcissism is derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a handsome Greek youth who rejected the love of the nymph Echo. Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection as he looked into a pool of water. He felt such deep love for himself that he was unable to leave his reflection and finally he changed into a flower, which we now call narcissus.

To an extent, we all have narcissistic traits and it might make sense that it is currently popular to promote healthy love of self. 

There is so much written about narcissism that it is impossible to know all ideas on it or to discuss them on a blog such as this. But, if one has ideas for a character in a story who is any or all of the following then it may help to do a small research of the term narcissism:

Has a sense of self importance

Self righteous

Is always right

Always knows best

Brags

Conceited

Has many acquaintances but very few, if any close friends

Their way is the only way

Is an expert or oracle

Lacks true empathy

Critical of others

Controlling

Dogmatic

Creates fear in others

Creates shame in others
Has no insight into self
Ego driven (status, wealth, popularity)

It has to be said that the above type of narcissistic personality could have been developed from early narcissistic wounds. If you are developing a character like this one in a story, it might be well to note that this type of person will also have some vulnerability too. In fact one of the hardest things to capture I feel, is a a character that is both obnoxious and unlikable, as well as sad and pathetic. Can we evoke both irritation and dislike as well as empathy and sadness?

It might also be true to say that we can study our own narcissistic traits as well as our reactions to those people. Remember narcissistic people work not only with words but with body language, including eye language. Dipped eyes while you speak, for example, can be saying so much, perhaps leaving you feeling ashamed or feeble - and yet the narcissistic person has not uttered a word. Sighs, coughs and even silences in the correct places are powerful tools for them. They are ambiguous with their words so that if accused of lets say, criticism, they can not only deny it, but will accuse you of being the one with the problem.